Love is..."wholly cultural? "

The question of identity arises yet again. Do we construct our own identity or are we biologically bestowed with a gift of a truly unique self? Chris Barker writes, "Identity concerns both self-identity and social identity. It is about the personal and the social. It is about the ourselves and our relations with others" (245). I believe that as a toddler we develop a character based on our relations with our parents. Once the school age begins, it is no longer mommy and me for the child, a child is now placed in an unfamiliar environment. He/she needs to adapt to unexplored people and peers. With this sudden unfamiliar placement, a child develops a character that is needed to assimilate in this new social surrounding. Children then incorporate their learned behaviors at home, with their teacher's newly taught principles at school.

This process of identifying one's self in relation to others is a continuous cycle. As children become teens, they begin to question set disciplines at home and in school. Rather than abide to the rules of authority, teenagers begin to find better common ground with friends. As teenagers get nearer to becoming adolescents there is a clearer line between right and wrong. Like Barker states, "we live our lives in the context of social relationships with others" (218). This is how we grow and develop. We absorb everything we learn from our parents, teachers and peers.

The same way we learn about life through a process of identifying ourselves with others, we learn about love. We learn how to love a significant other due to our past experiences with love. We grow to love our parents, our friends, our relatives, siblings, pets, etc. Similarly, we love others the way we have been accustomed to being loved. Is love "wholly cultural?" I believe we construct our idea of what love is is based on culture. Culture includes pop culture, foreign cultures, the culture your parents, friends and instructors construct.

Between the age of 1 to 9, love is our parents; the love we see our parents share with one another and the love they feel towards us. Between the ages of 10 to 14, love is our friends. We love our friends an their acceptance of us is highly important. Between the ages of 15 and 20 we have found our one true love. He is "Mr. Right" and no one can come between this "undying love." As we get older, the idea of love turns from "my heart just skipped two beats," to " he makes me feel safe and truly appreciated."

Love is a part of our identity. The truth is, if one's identity becomes accustomed to new ideas and changing cultures, their previously constructed idea of love might change too. Love and identity go hand in hand. Both are infinite and unstable. There is no use in trying to figure it out. There is more use in aiming to be the best you can be... being true to yourself and others.

If it is true to you, it will be true to those around you. -T.K.E

Barker, Chris. Cultural Studies Theory and Practice. 3rd ed. London: Sage Publications, 2008.