Comedy, Sex, Tragedy, Sex, Sex, Sex...Love?

While watching "The Graduate," I remember jotting down a few lines and one of them was when Mrs. Robinson manipulates Ben into having sex with her by calling him "inadequate."

Men do not want their masculinity to be challenged. They do not want women to take away their whole aura of creation. A man's wholeness ( at least in sex comedies) is based on his masculine ability to be a king in bed!

Tamar Jeffer McDonald writes, "The sex comedy pits woman against man in an elemental battle of wits, in which the goal of both is sex. Only the timing and legitimacy of this differs from gender to gender, with women wanting sex after, and men before or without, marriage" ( McDonald 38). I mean this might be comical when reading about or watching in a movie theatre, and we might all consider it to be predictable and cheesy, but isn't our real life based on this sex comedy genre? I mean most of you might be nodding right now. Women, from all your personal experiences along with those of your friends, doesn't the sex comedy contain characteristics similar to real life relationships? A woman dates a man. Man thinks woman is good looking. Woman digs the man. Man wants to hit a home run. Woman feels offended. Woman is horny. Woman needs to be pure. Man needs sex. Woman moves on. Man decides to settle, because it is "time."

Women dream about the idea of finding their one true love. Men come to terms with themselves and realize that if they don't hold on to one of those pretty girls that is really interested in him, he might be getting too old to play the field. Both men and women are constructed- by family and society- to grow up, be polite, find a job, look approachable, fall in love and produce offspring. Along this set of steps, men might only unconciously desire one of the above, and that is to have a child as well. I strongly believe that all men want to create something from their genes. The single difference amongst the only similarity between men and women is that women mature faster than men, therefore as women are ready for sex and children at a younger age, men are only ready for sex!

McDonald, Tamar Jeffers. Romantic Comedy: Boy Meets Girl Meets Genre. London: Wallflower Press, 2007. Print.

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof Group Presentation

We were thinking of how to present our project without going into details about each character. The obvious was presented in the text and we tried to demonstrate the hidden emotions and predicaments between characters. Stephanie came up with the idea of Jerry Springer and we took it from there. We brainstormed a few catchy phrases as well as a few dilemmas that would lead to the audience's engagement in our topic.

I was the host and I began by asking Brick about his alcoholism and the death of his friend, Skipper. Than I invited Maggie to further clarify Brick's emotional state and her role as his wife. As Big Daddy, Big Mama, and Mae walked in there were a ramble of truths being thrown out for the crowd to take in.

The feedback we got from the classroom was great. They were responsive to our dialogue. I also believe we all fed off of each-other's enthusiasm in acting. Everyone brought out the best of their character. Overall the presentation and group effort prior to our presentation was smooth and insightful. I definitely think we would be a great cast for a theatre production! I enjoyed working with you all!

Ethnography:

Preface: A wedding I participated in. The newly weds were friends of my boyfriend's family. The people I'm observing are strangers.

Culture: Persian

Place: Roosevelt Hotel

Time: 10:00 PM

She is wearing a gorgeous blue dress. He is wearing a blue tie to match her dress. She led the way and picked up their table number. She had a ring on her finger. She is at a wedding with her fiancee'. He didn't seem too happy to be at this wedding, but he didn't seem angry either. They both sat at their table, right next to mine. They smiled at me and I waved back. She asked him to take pictures and he complied. She checked the mirror once, fixed her hair, put on lip stick and posed for the camera. He waited, not saying a word. She stood and he flashed one shot. She asked for another. He took another picture. This time she wanted him to be in the picture as well. She asked her sister to take the picture. Her sister took a picture of her and her fiancee'. He smiled, but just for the camera.

They sat back down. They were involved in a regular conversation, nothing that demonstrated huge facial expressions. She seemed happy to be at a wedding, although he was nonchalant. They ate their first entree, salad. No one talked. They has their second entree, crab cakes. No one talked. Finally the steak arrived. They both looked at their meat and cut their first piece. She looked at her fiancee' and asked if he was satisfied with his well done piece. Hers was medium rare and she offered to trade it if that would please him. He took her up on her offer and enjoyed the idea of eating a medium-rare juicy steak.

They both cleaned up their plates, and it was ready to dance. The music began to pick up its pace and she asked him to dance. He was very compliant. He got up and followed her to the dance floor. They danced to a few upbeat songs then ended with a slow dance. He gave her the look that signified he was done dancing. He went to sit down next to her sister as she kept dancing with the other girls on the dance floor. She beckoned him from the dance floor to come back, and he just shook his head and blew her a kiss. She continued dancing and they were apart for about fifteen minutes. He watched her while she danced in a crowd. She was getting along with everyone until she decided to walk back to her fiancee. They both went outside for a little air. They came in five minutes after, put their coats on and said goodbye to everyone. It was only 12:00, but they left arm in arm hugging.

A man follows the cultural norm by placing a ring on a woman's finger. By the looks of her actions, she is also following a norm by willing to tender to her fiancee's needs. She portrays this by putting her preference secondary to his needs, and willing to offer her steak to him in order to please him. I find this act to be a part of a woman's intuition, but Simone de Beauvoir would say that "Man can think of himself without woman. She can not think of herself without man" (Beauvoir 4). Beauvoir would tell her to keep her steak instead of making him feel like the essential, the "Absolute."

Furthermore, on the radical side, the man trusts his wife enough to let her dance with a large crowd. In the middle eastern tradition, this dancing is considered radical, because women are restricted from many things. Of course, the term radical changes when used in different context. As Derrida says, the signifier and signified are arbitrary and "meaning can never be fixed" (Barker 18). The context changes between different people or cultures around the world. The idea of allowing a woman to freely dance might be radical in one culture, but completely normative in another.

Capitalism plays a great role in the relationship between this engaged couple. Here we have two couples, introduced by the very clothing they are wearing. Her hair is done by a hair dresser, her make-up by a make-up artist, her ring purchased from a jeweler, and so on and so forth. Are they really in love? Do they have anything to talk about other then the steak? The only time there was real interaction was when they were dancing. Other then that there's even an artificiality in the idea of taking pictures to capture a moment in time that was neither filled with sincere laughter, nor complete pleasure. Their appearance-artificially created by material- produces this happy image that outsiders view.

In addition, the "happy couple" facade is an example of identity constantly changing. Barker writes, "We live our lives in the context of social relationships with others" (Barker 218). The man does not look like he wants to be at the wedding. She needs to put on a pretty face for the both of them. There are different roles being played: the happy couple, the fun couple, the humble wife, the permissive husband, and the dancing pair. Everyone at a wedding constructs a self that will be accepted and acknowledged by the guests around them. Not only does a bride have to look perfect, everyone does. Everyone at a wedding is a composite of many exterior things. Like Michel Foucault's "Panopticon," guests at a wedding know that everyone's eyes are on each other, therefore they all know to be on their best behavior!

Barker, Chris. Cultural Studies Theory and Practice. 3rd ed. London: Sage Publications, 2008.Print.

Beauvoir, Simone de. The Second Sex: Woman as Other. 1949.

The Fear You Won't Fall

"Part of the beauty of falling in love is the fear you won't fall." Women are not quickly swayed by a man's courtly love anymore. As a matter of fact, does courtly love even exist? What happened to wooing a woman into falling madly in love? I guess this is not medieval times, but something about the idea of courtly romance sounds unfamiliar and inviting.

Today most men and women fear love's ambiguity. Men are more interested in seeming to be single and uninterested than actually committing and admitting to themselves that they love someone. Women, aware of men's unstableness, do not want to allow themselves to fall head over heals with the fear that men will not fall back. I believe this is what causes a division in women who still traditionally choose to rely on a man's love and those who toughen up, take the man's position and are able to make the calls for themselves.

Love is..."wholly cultural? "

The question of identity arises yet again. Do we construct our own identity or are we biologically bestowed with a gift of a truly unique self? Chris Barker writes, "Identity concerns both self-identity and social identity. It is about the personal and the social. It is about the ourselves and our relations with others" (245). I believe that as a toddler we develop a character based on our relations with our parents. Once the school age begins, it is no longer mommy and me for the child, a child is now placed in an unfamiliar environment. He/she needs to adapt to unexplored people and peers. With this sudden unfamiliar placement, a child develops a character that is needed to assimilate in this new social surrounding. Children then incorporate their learned behaviors at home, with their teacher's newly taught principles at school.

This process of identifying one's self in relation to others is a continuous cycle. As children become teens, they begin to question set disciplines at home and in school. Rather than abide to the rules of authority, teenagers begin to find better common ground with friends. As teenagers get nearer to becoming adolescents there is a clearer line between right and wrong. Like Barker states, "we live our lives in the context of social relationships with others" (218). This is how we grow and develop. We absorb everything we learn from our parents, teachers and peers.

The same way we learn about life through a process of identifying ourselves with others, we learn about love. We learn how to love a significant other due to our past experiences with love. We grow to love our parents, our friends, our relatives, siblings, pets, etc. Similarly, we love others the way we have been accustomed to being loved. Is love "wholly cultural?" I believe we construct our idea of what love is is based on culture. Culture includes pop culture, foreign cultures, the culture your parents, friends and instructors construct.

Between the age of 1 to 9, love is our parents; the love we see our parents share with one another and the love they feel towards us. Between the ages of 10 to 14, love is our friends. We love our friends an their acceptance of us is highly important. Between the ages of 15 and 20 we have found our one true love. He is "Mr. Right" and no one can come between this "undying love." As we get older, the idea of love turns from "my heart just skipped two beats," to " he makes me feel safe and truly appreciated."

Love is a part of our identity. The truth is, if one's identity becomes accustomed to new ideas and changing cultures, their previously constructed idea of love might change too. Love and identity go hand in hand. Both are infinite and unstable. There is no use in trying to figure it out. There is more use in aiming to be the best you can be... being true to yourself and others.

If it is true to you, it will be true to those around you. -T.K.E

Barker, Chris. Cultural Studies Theory and Practice. 3rd ed. London: Sage Publications, 2008.